Saturday, February 13, 2010

Single On Valentine's

Its Valentine's day tomorrow..which I bet you knew already. But well, I like being Captain Obvious to the rescue at times..umm..make that most times.

Its been 19 years, 2 months and 59 days and counting. I am still single. Not that I mind it, I have much better things to think about at the moment. *snort*

Well ok, not really. Since I am really bored and jobless, and I've got nothing else to think, I sat down to list the reasons as to why there isn't a girl in my life to fawn upon me yet.

  • I am short. People have often commented that I'd need to be standing on a stool to kiss the girl I have a crush on. Well that's harsh really, I wouldn't really need a stool, I'd stand on the stairs. Much better idea methinks.
  • I am shy. Make that very shy. Last time I had a crush on this real cute girl in the library, and after three months of trying to catch her eye and having butterflies in my stomach, a week of giving her a smile every time I saw her, I finally talked to her, only to realise that it was her last day at the library. I didn't even ask her her name.
  • I have a squint. I hadn't realised that till today morning when I saw a photograph of me. The protractor told me that my right eye looks 1.035 degrees to the right.
  • I do stupid things. Perfect example right above.
  • I have hair which puts a bird's nest to shame. And I am not apologetic about it. My idol is a certain Mr. Imtiaz Ali, though I'd be kicked out of home if I keep it that long. I still like it that way and wail each time when mum asks me to go cut it, which generally starts a week after I've actually cut my hair.
  • I usually say things I shouldn't, like "Your eye-liner makes you look as if you've not slept for 10 days" or "You are not too fat, you only look like a baby elephant" or "My hair is better than yours" or "You have more muscles than me" or, ah come get the drift!
  • I do try and compliment when I like certain things. But then i don't understand why girls freak out at times. This one time I told a girl that her pimple was cute..All I got was a disgusted look..I wonder why! *innocent look*
  • I write lame poems when someone gets upset to cheer them up. But then somehow they get even more irritated with that.
Please girl don't sulk,
It might just increase your bulk,
Please girl don't cry,
The rivers are not exactly dry,
You wouldn't want the city in floods,
Cause floods cause devastation,
Then there will be nothing to take out your frustration!

    Now come aren't supposed to be irritated I say! Where's your sense of humour?!
  • I am sarcastic at times. Girls don't understand sarcasm. I once said I absolutely adored Emran Hashmi when she asked who my favourite hero was. We never met again.
  • I try and shed my inhibitions and go to coffee houses and ask girls "How you doing?" a la Joey, I usually end up getting beaten up by their boyfriends.
  • All the good ones are really taken. And 99% of girls ARE hot, and the rest ARE in my college. My college jocks would surely agree.
  • People think I am gay. I am not, I just pretend to be when I need a laugh. Right Rohit, my sweetums?
  • I usually write self depreciating stuff and  make a fool of myself. Like this one.
  • Finally, I have a shrewd intuition that Brad Pitt, Ashton Kutcher, George Cloony and Tom Cruise have ganged up against me and made a voodoo doll of me somewhere and are messing with my life. Stop being jealous guys, I'll leave some girls for you too.
I think I have listed round about everything. If you guys have an idea as to why such a nice guy like me is left without a date, please leave comments or mail them to me. Am sure the evil will be defeated and the good will prevail in the end.

P.S: I don't know how the last sentence is relevant. Who cares, Good will prevail!

Friday, February 12, 2010


25th January, 2010

Its been quite sometime since I last posted anything. Yeah, its been busy, I've been roaming around in the streets looking for sponsors for my college fest which even my college mates wont attend. All I realized after days of pointless travelling was that I wont make a good salesman.

Its been hell, the last few days. And its not even remotely connected to me leading the life of a salesman. Actually the thing has helped me.Its helped me to get away from things..its helped me get a good night's sleep..I mean you can't really stay awake after walking miles and travelling at peak hours in the jam packed Mumbai local trains..Its basically helped me to run away..from my thoughts, my life..from myself.

But today, I just can't distract myself. I see Federer flattening Hewitt. I see Tendulkar hammering the Bangladeshis. I read Pearls Before Swine. I try to re-read Harry Potter for the umpteenth time. Its still there. I still feel trapped.

12th February, 2010

Its even more time since i last posted anything. I saw Federer thrashing Murray in the finals, South Africa hammer India, Sachin posting a ton in vain, read more Harry Potter, started going to college, broke a promise i made to myself, got my results, was happy for a millisecond, became optimistic at a lost cause, fell flat on my face three days later, had two sleepless nights, and yeah, I can't distract myself. I still  feel trapped.

A friend yesterday commented that even the happiest person would feel depressed after standing five minutes beside me..that made me laugh. My jokes are depressing sure, and I know I don't spread the happiness aura, but well, that's me. Bored, depressed, and confused.

I dunno where this post is heading, I dunno what to write, I dunno where to start, nor do I know where to stop.

Am tired now. And I don't like abrupt endings..but then who cares?

NOTE TO SELF: Maybe I'll finish this someday. Maybe I should.  Maybe I should be a bit more relaxed and carefree. Maybe i shouldn't really think much. Maybe I should stop saying "Maybe" and be a bit more decisive. Maybe i should just leave to avoid any more awkward questions.