Saturday, February 13, 2010

Single On Valentine's

Its Valentine's day tomorrow..which I bet you knew already. But well, I like being Captain Obvious to the rescue at times..umm..make that most times.

Its been 19 years, 2 months and 59 days and counting. I am still single. Not that I mind it, I have much better things to think about at the moment. *snort*

Well ok, not really. Since I am really bored and jobless, and I've got nothing else to think, I sat down to list the reasons as to why there isn't a girl in my life to fawn upon me yet.

  • I am short. People have often commented that I'd need to be standing on a stool to kiss the girl I have a crush on. Well that's harsh really, I wouldn't really need a stool, I'd stand on the stairs. Much better idea methinks.
  • I am shy. Make that very shy. Last time I had a crush on this real cute girl in the library, and after three months of trying to catch her eye and having butterflies in my stomach, a week of giving her a smile every time I saw her, I finally talked to her, only to realise that it was her last day at the library. I didn't even ask her her name.
  • I have a squint. I hadn't realised that till today morning when I saw a photograph of me. The protractor told me that my right eye looks 1.035 degrees to the right.
  • I do stupid things. Perfect example right above.
  • I have hair which puts a bird's nest to shame. And I am not apologetic about it. My idol is a certain Mr. Imtiaz Ali, though I'd be kicked out of home if I keep it that long. I still like it that way and wail each time when mum asks me to go cut it, which generally starts a week after I've actually cut my hair.
  • I usually say things I shouldn't, like "Your eye-liner makes you look as if you've not slept for 10 days" or "You are not too fat, you only look like a baby elephant" or "My hair is better than yours" or "You have more muscles than me" or, ah come get the drift!
  • I do try and compliment when I like certain things. But then i don't understand why girls freak out at times. This one time I told a girl that her pimple was cute..All I got was a disgusted look..I wonder why! *innocent look*
  • I write lame poems when someone gets upset to cheer them up. But then somehow they get even more irritated with that.
Please girl don't sulk,
It might just increase your bulk,
Please girl don't cry,
The rivers are not exactly dry,
You wouldn't want the city in floods,
Cause floods cause devastation,
Then there will be nothing to take out your frustration!

    Now come aren't supposed to be irritated I say! Where's your sense of humour?!
  • I am sarcastic at times. Girls don't understand sarcasm. I once said I absolutely adored Emran Hashmi when she asked who my favourite hero was. We never met again.
  • I try and shed my inhibitions and go to coffee houses and ask girls "How you doing?" a la Joey, I usually end up getting beaten up by their boyfriends.
  • All the good ones are really taken. And 99% of girls ARE hot, and the rest ARE in my college. My college jocks would surely agree.
  • People think I am gay. I am not, I just pretend to be when I need a laugh. Right Rohit, my sweetums?
  • I usually write self depreciating stuff and  make a fool of myself. Like this one.
  • Finally, I have a shrewd intuition that Brad Pitt, Ashton Kutcher, George Cloony and Tom Cruise have ganged up against me and made a voodoo doll of me somewhere and are messing with my life. Stop being jealous guys, I'll leave some girls for you too.
I think I have listed round about everything. If you guys have an idea as to why such a nice guy like me is left without a date, please leave comments or mail them to me. Am sure the evil will be defeated and the good will prevail in the end.

P.S: I don't know how the last sentence is relevant. Who cares, Good will prevail!


  1. Mate...didnt get ur 5th last flower...the rest of da blog post as usual reeked of ur signature freshly cooked and moulded and hot served crap!!in short it rocked!!

  2. Well, i was never attached on a single V-Day myself, dont really think i missed out on anything. I think its overrated and stupid to reserve a 'special day' for lovers. When in love, every day is special. :-)

    PS - Dont ever sweetums me bitch !
    P.PS -I have the rights to 'Captain Obvious' so i will see you in court.

  3. @ Sweetums
    True. Very.
    P.S: Sorry for using Captain Obvious. But you were the one who used it for me in the 12th in the first place. Now i just used it for myself :P

  4. lolzzzz hahahaha good luck with your complimenting... all your bones are still in correct places?? I wonder... :P
    hillarious post :D

  5. "I try and shed my inhibitions and go to coffee houses and ask girls "How you doing?" a la Joey, I usually end up getting beaten up by their boyfriends."

    Reaaally? *asks with his i-dont-believe-this-shit expression*

  6. @ Rajlakshmi
    My jaw feels a bit weird, but its not really an issue. :P

    @ Pranav
    If you don't believe it, you don't know me :P

  7. I agree with Pranav... when the hell did you even approach a girl "Joey style"? :P

    as for Pitt, Kutcher and Clooney... well, deal with it :D

  8. Nice post dude, well keep up the good work..and try removing the captcha..

  9. Hey loved that poem of yours...:D

    And also this --> "You are not too fat, you only look like a baby elephant"...So innocent and politically incorrect ;)

    Good one..Enjoid

  10. You missed one...

    Every time Ramu is with a girl, after every fifteen mintues he goes- "Aye Meereeko Pak rahaa haain" (in his dead voice ofcourse)

  11. @ The Analyst, Nish
    Thanks a lot people.

    @ Krittika
    I did. My jaw has never been the same.

    @ Anurag
    ROFL. I seriously have no answer for that one. I surely missed that :P

  12. WOW!
    i don't even think I have anything else to say. SERIOUSLY!
    but i agree with u being shy and u doing stupid things as reasons why u dont get girls.
    but u writing silly poems is actually awesome! i would love if a guy did that for me.
    and please do not do the Joey line of "How you doin" .. please just DONT .
    but ur an awesome guy honestly and u just need to wait for a girl to come along who is crazy enough to fall for you :D it WILL happen trust me :)

  13. I second Reshka. Wait for yur gal... Yu are one sweetheart. And trust me apart from Rohit, there might be few gals who can fathom yur crazzzziness..