Its been 19 years, 2 months and 59 days and counting. I am still single. Not that I mind it, I have much better things to think about at the moment. *snort*
Well ok, not really. Since I am really bored and jobless, and I've got nothing else to think, I sat down to list the reasons as to why there isn't a girl in my life to fawn upon me yet.
- I am short. People have often commented that I'd need to be standing on a stool to kiss the girl I have a crush on. Well that's harsh really, I wouldn't really need a stool, I'd stand on the stairs. Much better idea methinks.
- I am shy. Make that very shy. Last time I had a crush on this real cute girl in the library, and after three months of trying to catch her eye and having butterflies in my stomach, a week of giving her a smile every time I saw her, I finally talked to her, only to realise that it was her last day at the library. I didn't even ask her her name.
- I have a squint. I hadn't realised that till today morning when I saw a photograph of me. The protractor told me that my right eye looks 1.035 degrees to the right.
- I do stupid things. Perfect example right above.
- I have hair which puts a bird's nest to shame. And I am not apologetic about it. My idol is a certain Mr. Imtiaz Ali, though I'd be kicked out of home if I keep it that long. I still like it that way and wail each time when mum asks me to go cut it, which generally starts a week after I've actually cut my hair.
- I usually say things I shouldn't, like "Your eye-liner makes you look as if you've not slept for 10 days" or "You are not too fat, you only look like a baby elephant" or "My hair is better than yours" or "You have more muscles than me" or, ah come on..you get the drift!
- I do try and compliment when I like certain things. But then i don't understand why girls freak out at times. This one time I told a girl that her pimple was cute..All I got was a disgusted look..I wonder why! *innocent look*
- I write lame poems when someone gets upset to cheer them up. But then somehow they get even more irritated with that.
Please girl don't sulk,
It might just increase your bulk,
Please girl don't cry,
The rivers are not exactly dry,
You wouldn't want the city in floods,
Cause floods cause devastation,
Then there will be nothing to take out your frustration!
Now come on..laugh..you aren't supposed to be irritated I say! Where's your sense of humour?!
- I am sarcastic at times. Girls don't understand sarcasm. I once said I absolutely adored Emran Hashmi when she asked who my favourite hero was. We never met again.
- I try and shed my inhibitions and go to coffee houses and ask girls "How you doing?" a la Joey, I usually end up getting beaten up by their boyfriends.
- All the good ones are really taken. And 99% of girls ARE hot, and the rest ARE in my college. My college jocks would surely agree.
- People think I am gay. I am not, I just pretend to be when I need a laugh. Right Rohit, my sweetums?
- I usually write self depreciating stuff and make a fool of myself. Like this one.
- Finally, I have a shrewd intuition that Brad Pitt, Ashton Kutcher, George Cloony and Tom Cruise have ganged up against me and made a voodoo doll of me somewhere and are messing with my life. Stop being jealous guys, I'll leave some girls for you too.
I think I have listed round about everything. If you guys have an idea as to why such a nice guy like me is left without a date, please leave comments or mail them to me. Am sure the evil will be defeated and the good will prevail in the end.
P.S: I don't know how the last sentence is relevant. Who cares, Good will prevail!