Friday, June 11, 2010

The Cliché & The Solution

STATUTORY WARNING: This blogpost is only for guys. Girls are not supposed to read this, for your own good. Hell, no one listens to me, you're gonna read it anyway! Reasons to as to why girls shouldn't be reading this, will be clear by the end.

What do you do when your girl tells you that you are like all other men? Ask her how many men she's known? Hardly, unless you want to end it with her that is. What do you do when your girl tells you that she isn't beautiful? She surely is fishing for compliments, and you need to do something to pass the test! But what?

Its become some kind of a fashion I guess to categorize all men into a single category. Apparently yeah, all men fall under a single category, how there can be only one category to 'categorize' is a mystery though. You hear the Film heroines using the line on the cute *innocent* unsuspecting hero, you hear you wife, girlfriend, or in some cases, both using it on you, you can also see the vamps from telly-land philosophise that a seduction is all that is needed to corrupt the normally 'Patnivrata Pati' and get him to do as she pleases.

She probably is right. But that's besides the point. Man-kind likes it when Women-kind think that he is different from the rest of Men-kind. Yeah, I know I suck. Yes we do like looking at beautiful chicks, yes we bay at the moon when we spot one, yes we don't normally listen to girls when they talk stuff, we think about beautiful chicks or imagine the day when Roger Federer defeats Rafael Nadal in a French Open Final, but we are inherently different! How, I don't know, so please refrain from asking.

Guys mean it, in most cases, when they say that their girl is beautiful. At least they appear to be when we are in 'love' with them. So its not done when they say that you are like all other men and that she isn't beautiful. But guys, fret not. The solution is here. You can, now, use the two clichés that women use to your advantage. This is what you tell your girl.

STATEMENT 1: All guys are the same.
STATEMENT 2: You are like all other guys.
STATEMENT 3: All guys like only beautiful girls.
STATEMENT 4: I like you.

From STATEMENT 1, 2, 3 and 4, You are beautiful. Hence Proved.

Simple enough right? Sure to bring a smile on her face, or a bump at the back of your head. Do try and tell me the results. And yeah, I now hold a Creative Commons licence, so if you do use this, you have to attribute it to me, else I'll sue you. And yeah, I'd expect all the men out there in world to thank me for the solution. You're Welcome in advance.

All the girls out there who've read it already, too bad for you and your guy, if ever he uses my li'l logic on you. I've always found that a sad joke is the best (worst?) when its least expected.

P.S: I've started enrolling 'students' for my very original Flirt with P.Js classes. Batches fast filling, enrol now to avoid disappointments.
P.P.S: And I wonder why am still single.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Environmentally Irrelevant

Ok, its been a long time since I've blogged. I haven't been too busy, I've just been plain lazy. For those who've read my blog earlier, I'd already promised that I might blog at infrequent intervals, my moods the reason. Anyway, am not really sure anyone checks this stuff that regularly that people missed me, nonetheless, am back.

It was World Environment Day two days back, and the papers were abuzz with ways to go green, save the environment, plant trees, make gold from crap, etc. etc. But then how many of us give a damn? Quite few, judging by the way things are going around. I figured we needed reasons far more than our environment to get us into the Conservation mode. Environment can go take a crap, we need better reasons. Here they are.

  • Use CFL Bulbs instead of the normal ones. So that you can look at the curves *wink wink* when you are bored.
  • Use mechanical pencils instead of the wooden ones. They look cooler. And kids always have a fantasy of using pens. This is as close as it can get.
  • All the smokers, use a lighter instead of a matchstick. It'll be just like movies, the cool Zippo lighters and the awesome click sound, bound to make your smoking experience better (Lame, but i couldn't think of a better reason).
  • Set up you study table beside a window. You can watch all the hot girls/guys passing by the window, and if you are  more of the arty kind, enjoy the scenic view and the birds and the trees around and get inspired to write poems like Shelly or Keats.
  • Plant trees and flowers. Lots of reasons. If the view outside your study table has no trees, plant them to help you get inspired to write romantic poems about nature. A rose bush at home will mean lesser expenses while trying to woo your girl with flowers, or while trying to get her back to talk to you.
  • Convince your boss to let you wear casuals to work and skip the tie, at least in the summers. You can tell him its much more comfortable, it'll increase your efficiency, clothes don't make a man, his work defines him. He will surely agree when you tell him it'll reduce his A/C bills in the summer. Whats in it for you, you might feel like you are back in college, get nostalgic and dreamy, do less work, blame it on the summer, AND the office babe might just notice you and ask you out for a coffee.
  • Walk small distances. You might meet an old acquaintance, or the new girl-next-door. Way to go!!
  • Last but not the least, collect your farts and burn them in your gas stove. You'll save fuel and money. Yeah, I ran out of funny ideas and came up with a disgusting one. But believe it or not, researchers are actually planning to do just that on cows. The methane they produce is huge, valuable if collected, and highly polluting if not.

So all you guys who think conservation is boring, and you anyway wont be living when the world becomes a frying pan, think again. There are reasons, GOOD reasons actually as to why you must try and save the environment.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I guess I lost the plot. I should get back to not blogging. The piece is lame, and not really funny, but you must understand that I am bored, and in  the middle of my examination. If any of you plan to jail me, This post is sure gonna help me prove my Insanity plea. So it wasn't that useless after all. Cheerio!

P.S: I've entered this post for the BlogAdda contest,in association with Pringoo for the Environment day.